Management reprimands new employee for not going to coworker's after-hours birthday party: 'If it's mandatory, it needs to be paid'

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Management acting surprised when I refused to attend a coworker's birthday after work hours.

I'm an apprentice in a new company for my studies and today I did a 7 to 3 shift with zero lunch break because we had to finish a big project. At the end of it they were planning a birthday celebration with food and everything, but I was having none of it.
It's Friday and I wanted to go home for the weekend, like every normal person you know. I told my manager if I had to stay and she acted surprised when I told her I was leaving. I even had to pretend it was urgent for her to let me go.
F this trash "family culture" bulls in companies, I don't care and why should I? I've done my 8 hours, my shift is over, I'm out. Sorry

Commenters sympathized with this outlook.

lornetc If its mandatory, it needs to be paid. If it is not paid, I am not going. Simple as that.
lastsonkal1 My place does the company townhall after work hours, does the team building stuff after work hours, so many co-workers don't understand why I won't attend. This is a job. I'm here because I'm paid. Once you stop paying me. I leave.
SLWUSAFL It's funny, nowadays we spend 8hrs or more with people we wouldn't choose to spend time with except for the fact that we're being paid. I'm usually the same way now, I don't attend after hours work-related stuff. And, there's nobody I work with that I'd want to spend time with after hours.
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That said, in the 90s when I began my professional career post-college, there were TONS of people in the big companies I worked for that I made friends with. We had lots in common, enjoyed going out after hours and on weekends. Since the early 2000s that changed
tremendously for me. I think the last time I had work- friends that I enjoyed hanging out with after work was around 2008. Something in the office dynamic shifted in the mid- late 2000s and it hasn't been the same.
Now I look for friends elsewhere or just go home and enjoy my solitude. You can't force a good work culture, it has to happen organically for people.
xbubblegum_ Zero lunch break? That's not good, please always take your mandated breaks.
JJBtch They held a going away party for the last guy that retired from here. He was here the first 2 and half years I was here and not one time did we interact. When they told me it was mandatory that I had to go I asked the question, "Is it Paid?". Of course it wasn't
because it was an, "After work social event". I promptly declined and they even tried to get me to pitch in on a gift and sign a card. I was like nah, I don't know this guy. They had the look of someone that just lost their puppy. The disbelief in their eyes was saddening.
Still had nothing to do with the event. They even tried the guilt trip tactic of, "What if it was you? Wouldn't want to know that the people you worked with cared about you?". I had to tell them no, just let me leave in peace. It's crazy how they want to push this false family agenda on people. It's saddening how many fall in line with this BS for the satisfaction of their job.
Toronto-1975 i had a coworker invite their entire 15 person workgroup to their wedding. they had been a member of the workgroup for a couple of months at that point and suddenly everyone was invited. many people actually went but i was like i dont even know this II person very well and they arent my friend why would i go to their wedding and why would they invite me??"
i declined with a "ive got plans" excuse because i wasn't about to go to a wedding where i knew absolutely nobody except a few coworkers (and i have a strict separation of work and social rule). i was going to get a small gift to be a nice person - something like a $50 gift card to a
department store or something that they could use to buy some small thing for their home - but a couple of days after the invite this person went and complained about me to our manager over something i wasnt even involved with, so i said f it and he got squat from me.
pretty sure the initial invite was just a gift grab but to this day i think the whole thing was deeply weird.
Snowgoosey At my old place, they constantly had after hours barbeques and other social events that I never took part in. The office ladies noticed I didn't attend any of them and asked why. I told them "I already spend 60 hours a week with these guys, I want to actually spend time with my family". They treated me like I k led their dog after that, glad I am out of that
ginny11 Ugh. Maybe start looking for another job. Sounds like you won't be happy there. And sounds like these people want to control all of your time, whether on the clock or not.
waitwutok No lunch break...that is illegal in the US if mandated by the employer.
teresajs Figure out a good excuse for having to regularly work on time. For instance, having a night class or needing to go home to care for an elderly relative. "Sorry, I can't stay late. I have to go care for my Grampa who has health issues."

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